Mom’s alarm goes off. Must whine as loud as possible to make sure she knows what time it is. I am happy and alert, and I don’t care who knows it.
Finally get mom out of bed by putting my wet nose on her face. Race as fast I can downstairs to the front door. Pee outside. Promptly sprint to my doggie bowl for breakfast. Consume in approximately 25 seconds. Potty outside a second time while mom makes coffee. Scratch door at a rapid pace if mom does not let me in soon enough. After preliminary 10 seconds of scratching, begin barking to make sure I’m attended to.
Mom lets me in. I sprint to the couch to wait for the heated blanket to be turned on. Lay atop blanket between mom’s legs like a hotdog in a hotdog bun.
Follow mom upstairs. Burst through bedroom door as loudly as possible to alert dad of my arrival. Scratch my ears for approximately 3 minutes, being sure to rattle my collar with every movement.
After mom’s shower, go lick the bathtub. Makes sure door stays open, as not to get tricked into a bath time situation.
Scratch at mom’s dressing room door to be let in. Go in, stretch against her chair, leave.
7:45am – 12:00pm
Mom goes to work. Follow dad to every room and sleep within 5 feet of him.
Mom gets home for lunch. Act as if I have not seen her in years. Beg for her lunch. Beg for dad’s lunch. Stare and whine at empty dishes until they are put in the sink.
Bark uncontrollably at mail man. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.
1:00 – 5:00
Sleep. Bark at people. Sleep.
Check to see if evil neighbor cat is in our yard.
Mom arrives home. Bark, whine and jump on her legs until she feeds me. Promptly ask to go outside.
Whine about how unfair it is that I don’t get second dinner. Complain to parents until they are done eating.
Get yelled at for pulling a paper towel out of the trash and shredding it all over the kitchen floor.
Put wet toy on mom’s lap. Request her to throw it by nudging with nose. As soon as she picks it up, snatch it from her hand and refuse to let go. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
Claw at water bowl until it’s filled.
Ask to go outside. Then, ask to go outside. Then, put wet toy on dad’s lap.
Take occasional nap between mom’s legs on the heat blanket.
Sit at bottom of stairs and whine uncontrollably until I hear the words “bed time”. Bark and run around with glee.
Follow dad as he turns off the lights and locks doors. Sprint upstairs, being sure to beat dad to the second floor. Hop in bed.
Request to be let underneath the comforter by standing awkwardly between mom and dad’s faces. Mom finally lets me between the sheet and comforter. I love my den.
Bark at suspicious noise just after mom and dad have fallen asleep. Refuse to believe it was nothing.
Go back to sleep till 6:00am.